What About James?
by that would be too long
Summary: When all of your friends are paired up except you, and you feel like a cockroach cluster surrounded by bon bons, life can be pretty tough. Especially when you find yourself falling for your best mate's girl. -LJ, POV of James-
1. Odd Man Out

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any characters that you may recognize from the HP books/movies. I own nothing, my friends.

**Note:** This plot is very loosly based on a commercial I saw for the ABC television show "What About Brian?" I have only seen a commercial, not the show, so the plot in the trailer(for the show) I saw belongs to ABC and the writers. Remember, _loosly _based!

**What About James?**

**Summery: **When all of your friends are paired up except you, and you feel like a cockroach cluster surrounded by bon bons, life can be pretty tough. Especially when you find yourself falling for your best mate's girl. POV of James

**_Odd Man Out_ (Introduction)**

Almost everyone knows what it's like to be the odd man out. At least, I hope everyone does, or it will be extremely hard for anyone to understand the description of the feelings I felt for almost the entirety of my 7th year at Hogwarts School. Men aren't supposed to describe their feelings, so I'm putting my masculinity at risk by telling this story at all. I have to get it out though, because I'm sure I'm not alone when I describe this particular feeling. At least, I'm hoping I'm not alone.

You know, like when you feel different from everyone around you as if you're a pickled toad in a pound of pheonix feathers. There's the giant lump that may actually resemble a pickled toad in your throat, and you almost feel like crying your eyes out. Almost. I don't want to put my manhood in jeapordy too much in one day.

My name is James Potter, and it's a surprise to even me that I've ever felt like this. I have the three best mates a guy could ask for, and I can't honestly say I've felt uncomfortable in their company except for once. (Sirus decided to put a Disillusionment Charm on only my clothes, and I didn't happen to notice until lunch. I just figured the girls were more you know, hungry for me, that day than normal. Since it took a while to wear off, I happened to feel uncomfortable around everyone. I'm not sure if this really counts.)

Of course, it was extremely different in 7th year, as I've said before. All three of my Marauders had successfully, as Remus likes to say, _wooed, _the ladies of their choice. I hadn't. In essence, I, James Potter, was the odd man out. It was not cool.

I'll start out with Sirius first, since he happens to be my favorite mate and all, except for the fact that he left me, ME, the best friend he's had since Disappear Diapers, ("No need to use the loo, just make your poo, and our magic will do the rest!"), for a lowly, feminist girl. Though really, all girls seem feministic. It's so confusing. "Treat us as equals!" they say,"Don't open the door for us you chauvinists, we have arms!" And if you don't open the door for them, you're rude and not worthy of their love. Hypocrites.

Anyway, Sirius's lady's name is Lily. She nice and pretty, and I used to have a mad crush on her in 5th year. We've gotten over that since then. Almost. But now, she's only annoying to me. Just like the other two girls. How dare they steal my best mates away! It's the kind of feeling when you're flying in the countryside with someone, and you point down at a unicorn to show them how beautiful it is, only to be mocked and laughed at, since the unicorn is actually made of wood and is only a decoration. Lily's kind of like that. Except she mocks me my sitting next to Sirius at meals just so I can't! Remus said I was overreating when I told him this. That's just like him. Sticking up for the bloody females. Pssht.

My other friend, Peter, also has a girlfriend. Sirius and Remus were shocked and surprised when he snagged a girl, considering Peter's rather short and..."pleasantly plump." I wasn't surprised like them though. The guy _is_ popular (I mean, he hangs around with me.) Girls would do anything for a higher rung on the social ladder. Actually though, I think Charlotte might actually like Peter. She's about a foot taller than him, but she always laughs at his attempted jokes and smiles whenever he's around. They always go to the post office together, since Charlotte has some weird obsession with owls. They go alone of course. Dirty traitor Peter is.

Then there's Remus and Anne. They're the kind of couple that never kiss, hug, and rarely hold hands. No kind of physical contact whatsoever. They just like to be in each other's company. The 2nd years think it's so sweet, since you can always hear them awwing over them after supper, when Remus and Anne are doing their homework together. I'm surprised it even gets done since they mostly just stare into each other's eyes. It's completely sickening. Anne is shy and quiet, just like Remus. Almost. Remus actually comes out of his shell a few times a week and reveals his true Marauder self. Not Anne. She's allergic to talking. When she does speak, it's a kind of whispering, floaty thing that she has going on. Remus tells me she's his angel. I tell Remus she's Lucifer.

Last, and certainly feeling least, is me. I'm actually a pretty great guy. People want to date me. Heck, I'd date me if I could. I'm handsome, smart, athletic, funny, all that good stuff. I just don't _want_ to date anyone. I admit, even though I didn't leave my friends for the opposite gender like they all did, I did worse. Much worse. The sin of all guy sins. At least one of them. He has no idea of course, which I hope stays that way, that I happen to be in love with his girl. My _best friend's girl._

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**A/N: **Pardon the shortness, but this is only the introduction, so other chapters will be longer. Anyway, please, please, **please**, review and tell me what you think so I'll know whether or not to continue. Just one click of that lovely button! Thanks!


	2. Remus and the Lost Puppy

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any characters that you may recognize from the HP books/movies. I own nothing, my friends.

**Note:** This plot is very loosly based on a commercial I saw for the ABC television show "What About Brian?" I have only seen a commercial, not the show, so the plot in the trailer(for the show) I saw belongs to ABC and the writers. Remember, _loosly _based!

**What About James?**

**Summery: **When all of your friends are paired up except you, and you feel like a cockroach cluster surrounded by bon bons, life can be pretty tough. Especially when you find yourself falling for your best mate's girl. POV of James

_**Remus and the Lost Puppy**_

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Remus was shy. Not in a bad, barely ever talks kind of way, but in a way that made me even more glad that he was one of my best friends. He didn't take to meeting new people, speaking up in class, or asking girls out. Or actually, talking to girls at all. In out first year, we all thought he was going to drown himself in the bath instead of having to live and socialize with three obnoxious boys. But after the first few months, Sirius, Peter, and I managed to break his crusty, hermit shell. He became the fourth obnoxious boy, and a key ingredient in our "friendship circle", as I recall Sirius often referring to it.

Even though he has gained three best friends that first year, Remus was still the quietest of us all. He was mysterious too. That's one of my favorite qualities about him, also with this funny eyebrow thing he can do. He won't tell us much, unless we ask. Sometimes, though most people have never seen this, it's hard to shut him up. Even though he's extremely bright, I doubt Remus has said more than ten words to a professor.

Don't get me wrong and think that Remus is some shy little pansy. He just appears that way at first. As we all grew up, Remus changed. He's rebellious in a way not unlike Sirius, sarcastic, and has the demeanor of someone that screams screw the world. **(A/N:**Sisterhood! Awesome movie. Some people actually find him a bit mean. Remus tries to be optomistic; it's just not that easy when you're looked down by all wizardkind because of something he can't even change! In our 2nd year, Sirius and I found out that he was hiding his lycanthropy. Peter felt betrayed that he didn't tell us. But I saw what Remus really meant. He was absolutely terrified of the prospect of losing the only friends he's ever had. I think that made our bond even stronger, when Remus realized that we were such great friends that we didn't care about some stupid furry problem of his.

I guess a perfect word to describe Remus was exotic, or unafraid. He had loads of common sense, which is probably the reason why we didn't get caught as often as Remus thinks we should have. It's really no wonder I didn't want to lose him to some _NO GOOD DIRTY ROTTEN **GIRL!**_

Sorry, getting carried away.

I suppose Anne is actually good for Remus. Okay, I know she is. When she asked him to Hogsmeade, none of us thought he'd accept. Remus didn't even think he'd accept. Other girls had asked him out before, and he'd had declined at nearly every one of them. Actually, thinking back, he _did _decline to every single proposed date. He told Anne he'd get back to her.

I'd say it was one of the most courageous things he'd ever done. Opening up to new people, I mean. He went out with her. Had one of the best times in his life. I just wasn't expecting Remus to like her more than, you know, me. Sirius keeps telling me to shut up about it; that a person can love a friend as a friend and a girl as more.

**WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE INFORM ME WHY SHE SHOULD BE MORE?**

Erm, sorry again. Anne was a Ravenclaw, outgoing yet quiet, and had silky sandy blonde hair that fell to her shoulder blades. She had a light sprinkle of freckles across her nose. If we were counting for looks, Anne and Remus were the perfect couple. If we weren't counting for looks, they'd still be the perfect couple. They'd been going out for just about a year now. I didn't talk to Remus as much anymore. The girl took up all his time. I admit, I was jealous. Okay, I was supremely envious of them all. The girls, I mean. I just wanted my best mates back. The Marauders just weren't a whole anymore. Peter tells me I should stop pouting over what I refer to "as the good ole' days." He says they're all happier, I should be too. I don't get how they could be happy without me. That might sound arrogant. But it's _true._ Just because they all had "significant others," didn't mean they had to ignore me. Which they did.

This may explain why I was surprised to find Remus still lounging on his bed, looking up at me as I was drying my face and walking out of the bathroom. He was still in his pajamas. Most of the guys were already downstairs after I finished my daily hygiene routine. It's funny I guess, how I'm the only one that actually cares about how I look, and the only one without a girlfriend. Maybe this should tell me something.

I guessed Remus was waiting for me, probably wanting to stage some intervention.

"James, I'm worried about you," Remus said bluntly, obviously not meaning to sound sentimental in the least bit. He did, though. He's Remus, everything he says sounds sentimental whether he wanted it to or not. Heck, he sounded sentimental when he stated he had to pee.

"Erm, why?" I asked. Girls say they're worried about you. Not guys. But then again, this is Remus.

Remus sounded like he had planned all he said. "You're the seventh wheel, and I mean, I feel really bad. You can't fool me either, because you knowthat you're being left out. You can't seem to shut up about how we're deserting you. And we're not," he said rather fast. Was _Remus_ nervous about having some stupid heart-to-heart with me?

They probably planned this entire "intervention" (who was correct?), and Remus secured the role of The Talker. Like I said, he's too sentimental, it's a gimme he'd get this job.

"We just all...have girlfriends, James," he said, eye cast down, as they should be. Maybe he was feeling bad...It was probably some act so I'd continue to nick them pumpkin pasties from the kitchens

"Yeah, thieving girlfriends."

"Yeah," he agreed, until he realized what I actually said and he had called Anne theiving. "See!" He shouted. "You just can't let it be!"

"Why should I!" I said angrily. "You're the ones abandoning me!" Let me tell you, they'd be getting no pasties tonight.

Remus's eyes narrowed. "Stop trying to act like your some lost puppy. Look, I wanted to talk to you, not argue, and I wanted to give you some advice.

I should mention Remus was pretty dang good at giving advice. You see this glorious hair? I would've gotten a buzz cut from Sirius last month if Remus hadn't informed me that my hair wasn't making my antlers crooked when I transformed, I just wasn't concentrating hard enough.

Before I could even answer this statement, Remus gave me his oh so genius advice.

"Just get a girlfriend. You'll be happier. You won't feel like an abandoned pet," Remus said in a reasonable voice.

"Remus, I don't want a girlfriend. I don't...fancy anyone." I said, trailing off a bit.

"Oh come of it," he said, grinning for the first time in out entire conversation. "I've seen you, dazing off in class, getting that funny look in your eyes like you had in 5th year. There's obviously a girl." Remus was getting a familiar gleam in his eyes now. "Just ask her out mate, she'll say yes. You're you." And with that, he sauntered out, pajamas and all.

I'm me. Nice advice mate. Sure, there _was_ a girl, but she happened to be off limits.

Crap, did it really look like I was thinking about her? Well, at least they don't know _who _I'm thinking about I'm glad I don't know any leglimens. I'd have to work on the whole "stop looking so wistful" thing.

But I could take Remus's advice. Get a girlfriend. It would at least get my mind of that other blessed female. Hopefully. I mean hey, the school's full of them, how hard could it be to get a girl?

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**(A/N: **I want to thank my oh so lovely reviewers sequinedfasade, Bunny With Bad Acupuncture, HermioneFreakazoid, and Me- Myself- and James. You guys make me feel so happy and actually motivated to write more! **Hugs!** Did you see any foreshadowing in this chapter? I did! But of course...I wrote it, so I guess I don't count. Anyway, all you glorious people out there, I would love it if you clicked that beautiful button down there and told me what ya think! Thanks! XD


	3. Just a Tad Strange

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any characters that you may recognize from the HP books/movies. I own nothing, my friends.

**Note:** This plot is very loosely based on a commercial I saw for the ABC television show "What About Brian?" I have only seen a commercial, not the show, so the plot in the trailer (for the show) I saw belongs to ABC and the writers. Remember, _loosely _based!

**What About James?**

**Summery: **When all of your friends are paired up except you, and you feel like a cockroach cluster surrounded by bon bons, life can be pretty tough. Especially when you find yourself falling for your best mate's girl. POV of James

_**Just a Tad Strange**_

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Peter was not good-looking. He was not funny. He was…kind of a total bore. Okay, I know I'm talking about one of my best mates here, but is it not completely obvious that there is some conspiracy against me when _Peter Pettigrew_ has a girlfriend and I don't?!?

Thinking of Peter for motivation, it should not be hard to get a girlfriend. But, oh, it is! Well, I take that back. It's just hard to get a girl that fits what I want - sweet, funny, caring, pretty, smart, and will laugh at my stupid jokes. Sirius has since told me that trying to accomplish just that last factor would be a miracle. I hope he knows I can turn water into wine!

…Really.

Anyway, sometimes I think Charlotte only goes out with Peter because she pities him and it makes her feel like a true humanitarian. I know it's wrong to think all this about my best mate and his girlfriend, but she doesn't eat meat, has about 12 adopted sons in Ethiopia, sends letters to big companies telling them to lay off the animal cruelty, and has actually _built and piped_ a house for a group of the homeless. She has also made a poor, chubby lad extremely happy. Maybe it's just something else to check off her list?

They are kind of a cute couple I guess. It just seems to me they're more really good friends. The kissing is always on Peter's part, and if mine eyes deceive me, Charlotte is always the one to withdraw. Well, whatever.

Charlotte is so kind I sometime wonder how Peter can stand it, since whenever _he_ sneaks pumpkin pasties from the kitchens, us three back in the dorm never even see them, let alone have a taste. They're too different.

Although, opposites attract, right? It's just… a tad strange.

In my quest to woo fair maiden, Remus has given me a clipboard with the names of all eligible ladies from years five and up, because I am not a cradle robber nor a girlfriend stealer.

Wait – am I a girlfriend stealer? No of course not – I only _want_ to be a girlfriend stealer.

As I was saying with the clipboard, Remus has a lot of time on his hands. He's a nice guy though, could have been snogging his girlfriend, and instead, compiled this list for me.

Oops I forgot. Remus doesn't snog.

But anyway.

At breakfast, I brought said clipboard as Remus walked slowly next to me, giving me encouraging pointers. For example:

"James, don't make that farting noise with your armpit." ("But Sirius thinks it's funny!" "Are we _trying_ to attract Sirius?")

"James, don't eat the hot wings today. You get orange gunk all over your face."

"James, your sweater is inside out."

"James, I like your choice of button-down, it contrasts nicely with your tweed blazer. It's very effective."

We all know that's my goal. _Effectiveness._

As we neared the table, Remus sat next to Anne who sat next to Lily who sat next to Sirius who sat next to thin air which was on the opposite side of Charlotte who sat next to Peter who sat next to some odd bloke with funny ears who sat next to…his friends. Which left, no room for Mr. James Potter.

Yessssss. Perfect.

"Oh James, I'm sorry, normally I only save a seat for Remus, I guess I just…sort of…forgot about you…" trailed off Anne, echoing the sentiments of the entire table.

"Erm, it's all right…I'll go sit with – " I hastily looked around searching for an egress. "Amos Diggory! He's a good man, good choice of Quidditch team for the world cup." This was, of course, the only thing I liked about Diggory. Well, combined with the fact there was a seat next to him.

"James, that's the only thing you like about Diggory. Combined with the fact that there's a seat next to him," said Sirius logically.

I glared at him. He was right, but I, a man, defender of masculinity in general, could feel myself blushing.

I could also feel that familiar knot in my stomach I got when I thought of losing my best friends.

I don't remember what I muttered, but I shoved the clipboard at Remus and stomped away in embarrassment.

I heard Anne ask Remus what was written on the clipboard, and I heard her giggle as he whispered the answer to her.

I tried my hardest to keep from blushing redder. I was a man, for Merlin's sake!

I finally reached my destination next to Amos, muttered a hello, and tried my best to pretend I only wanted to talk about the upcoming Gryffindor – Hufflepuff Quidditch match, even though there was no need to talk of it, we were going to smoke them, no doubt.

I soon found myself alone in the dorm. I wanted to punch my pillow into shreds. I wanted to punch everyfemale alive into shreds (except maybe Cassy Sorcena from _Squibs in the City_. Ohh baby!) But most of all, I wanted my mother. Or a girlfriend. One of those.

I couldn't ask anyone out. I just couldn't. I was _in love _with another girl! What was I going to do – snog her with my eyes closed?

Well actually, most people do that.

This might work.

NO. I wouldn't betray my love…who belonged to someone else.

Curses. Foiled again.

All right. I would think of a rational plan. By myself. No interference.

I hated interference. Out at Hogwarts, the magical transmissioner that which I hear the Muggles call a radio, does not give great sound. Just another thought to make my day three more liters of suck.

If you know, it's possible to measure suckness in liters.

Anyway.

I had a plan. I was going to lie in my bed and sulk. Then, I was going to watch _Squibs in the City_. And after that, I was going to review the list of possible girlfriends and decide if I should really remain chaste…

I mean, chaste as in being single or not.

And if that didn't work out, I was going to sulk more while thinking of a more rational plan. Such as eating loads of cookie dough.

I think Sirius told me once this is what girls do when they break up with him.

I'll have to tell Sirius it's not just girls who're depressed when he dumps them.


	4. The Irony of all Ironies

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any characters that you may recognize from the HP books/movies. I own nothing, my friends.

**Note:** This plot is very loosely based on a commercial I saw for the ABC television show "What About Brian?" I have only seen a commercial, not the show, so the plot in the trailer (for the show) I saw belongs to ABC and the writers. Remember, _loosely _based!

**What About James?**

**Summery: **When all of your friends are paired up except you, and you feel like a cockroach cluster surrounded by bon bons, life can be pretty tough. Especially when you find yourself falling for your best mate's girl. POV of James

_**The Irony of All Ironies & The Plan**_

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Most people know that I used to be in love with Lily Evans. Most people knew because, well, I made it a bit too obvious. Since that time, I've accepted the fact that maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why she didn't fall right into my arms. I mean, I was in fourth year!! We all make mistakes when we're young.

I asked her out too much. I seemed desperate. (I was.) I acted like she was crazy to turn me down. Which, in my 14-year-old body, seemed like a very plausible reason. In short, I annoyed the dungbombs out of her. And there was no reason why I deserved her. This was probably because I solely believed she loved me, really, really, really deep down inside.

She didn't. I got over it. I learned from a mistake.

Never let your love show. It's creepy. Trust me, when Joanna Seedfolly basically stalked me in sixth year, I never even considered dating her. I did, however, consider obtaining a restraining order once she magically fixated her silhouette onto my bedspread. You can still sort of see it when the light hits it in the mornings.

Sure, it took a while, but as soon as I decided to _change_ for Lily Evans, I somehow became less of a reluctant acquaintance to her, to more of a friend. And as so often occurs, once I got to know her, my infatuation pretty much died. Almost.

It fully died once my best friend admitted _his_ infatuation for her, and I backed off. They started dating, and it was ironic. I didn't care, the partnership was too funny, insane, and completely unfair. These were the kind of things that made life fun, I thought. And this was the irony of all ironies, so shouldn't it be the _most_ fun?

Well, it was loads of fun until Remus got a girlfriend, and then all I had was Peter, until, shock shock, _he_ got a girlfriend, and I was left alone. Then we hung out like that for awhile, except, after I realized, restaurant booths aren't made for seven people, amusement rides don't favor odd numbers, and when a professor says "partner up", we all knew who'd be working alone, (or, Merlin forbid, with the professor herself.)

I had never, ever thought back in fourth year, that three years following my obsession with the redhead, my best friend would be with her, and I would be the only one of our troupe totally alone. I'd also never figured I'd be in love with one of them.

If most people I know heard I was in love with my best mate's girl, they'd roll their eyes and laugh at my unending affection for Lily, or raise their eyebrows at the broken loyalty with Sirius, that which has always come first with me, as everyone, even those that aren't human, know.

They were all wrong though. They didn't know that when I changed for Lily, I wasn't just nicer and less arrogant. No, I had changed on the inside. My values had changed. I didn't so much want to be famous to the world, but famous to my friends, the people who mean the most to me. I used to want to be on the cover of magazines, like _Witch Wizard?._ Maybe I wasn't so in love with Lily as I was in love of her outspokenness, her sheer outer perfection, and her fiery temper that made her so well known. She was a lovely girl. She just wasn't for this new, better me.

When I changed myself, I didn't count on falling in love. But I did. I fell for someone sweet and kind, who loved her friends as much as I did, who didn't care about her outer appearance so much than how she appeared to her friends.

Anne had stolen my heart. I didn't want it back. Maybe in exchange for hers. She of course, had no idea. And of course, neither did Remus. I felt horrible. Which is why they'll never know, I'll never act on my feelings, and I'll never stop fantasizing.

Well, fantasizing doesn't hurt anyone. Except me of course. But that doesn't count.

I guess realizing I loved Anne was kind of like that time Sirius and I ran out of my family's property boundaries, and snuck into a cricket match. We had just about no idea what this new sport was, but it was exciting. We tried to guess the rules as we were awed by the Muggle mind. After the game, we picked up a bat and tried the game out ourselves. I had landed in my parents' infirmary (yes, we had an infirmary in the house, er, manor), because Sirius had accidentally swung the bat while I was behind him, coming in contact with my skull. Even though I achieved a concussion, we had one _heck_ of a time that day.

Loving Anne was like getting hit with a bat and not minding in the least. My feelings snuck up on me, hurt like a large piece of wood, but made me deviously happy. Well, happy until I realized she was in love with Remus, and he with her.

I suck as a friend. Not as much as I could suck, but still, I suck.

I can't help it.

When Sirius first started dating Lily, I wondered if _he_ was a bad friend. I wondered if I still had feelings for Lily, and if I was angry or not. Though once I saw how happy they were together, these doubts left me, and I was happy too, for a while.

Sometimes I wonder why Sirius and Lily are so perfect for each other. They don't seem it. Somehow, all their differences balance out in such a way their understand each to a tee. In those three years since I loved Lily, I had gotten to know her much better. She had a temper to match her mane of hair, but a temper that came out if and only if the perpetrator deserved it. She was brilliant, but not in terms of black and white. She never thought in black and white. Everything to her was deep, which is why she did so miserably on the multiple-choice portion of our exams. Her favorite flower was not lilies, as most of her former suitors (like myself) assumed. It was daisies. It fit her perfectly. Simple beauty. She loved people, and she believed in people, the sure power of humanity, and the supremacy of Good with a capital G. Sirius, was a person who believed in himself. Sirius believed in Lily. He always gave her lilies to match her name, no matter how many times she assured him daisies were what she liked most. He disagreed, stating lilies were an extension of her name, and what's in a name, that any other Lily would smell as sweet. Shakespeare would probably have burst into tears. Of laughter.

It turns out, I'm pretty sure Lily loved him for his basic insanity, lust for life, and his distorted nature, because Sirius was a professional screw-up. He was the deepest I've ever met, though he leaned to the Black side of black and white.

Hey, it's not my fault Sirius got two names, which were both actual words! It was an endless source of amusement.

Sirius and Lily weren't' soul mates, most likely, but they fit. Maybe I don't believe in soul mates. If I believed in soul mates –

Well, never mind.

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Now I've gotten through with sulking, and _Squibs in the City _continues next week, because there was an urgent news bulletin about Scruffy, the flying wild boar.

And of course, I'm left with trying to come up with a plan.

A plan. A plan. A plan.

I'm stuck. Here's where we are so far.

-James has no one, his friends all have someone.

-James is in love with Anne, a friend's someone.

-James in lonely and bored.

-James also has to pee.

After I went to the loo, I noticed something on the sink that quite actually could solve one, or all, of my problems. (Well, maybe not the last one, which was actually already solved.) It was _Poetry for Your Hair._

Sirius's hair gel. Actually worked quite well. He tells me it truly is like poetry. But anyway, there was a reason this sparked something in my mind.

I was bored and quite lonely. I loved Anne. Anne's smile makes me happy. I want to be happy.

I was going to write her a poem.

Okay, mushy, I know, but it would be anonymous! In fact, I'd use a handy spell that'd make my handwriting change!

I know poetry makes girls smile, even if the poem is not from their beloved. I had already written some love poetry before, one to my aunt who desperately wanted a man. (I, being the generous gentleman that I am, made up a man. She was ecstatic! Until she realized it was me.)

And Lily, a lovely poem in my fifth year for Valentine's Day found its way under her pillow. When she found it almost two weeks later, (I guess girls don't look under their pillows for love letters as Sirius does every night), her dorm mates told me she couldn't stop smiling, even though I had talked of her "emerald" eyes in a cliché manner, I was informed.

I had made Lily smile! Until she realized it was me. But that doesn't matter. Anne would love my poem and smile and never know it was from me.

It was something to do. I had gone to the kitchens so much in the last month because of boredom, that I had gained 3.5 kilograms. (About 8 pounds.)

This was going to create, finally, some action, however small, in my life!

All I had to do now was actually write it.

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**A/N: **Hermione-lilypotter1234 gave me a really nice review that made me smile inside. )

I started this story almost a year ago, and now I've decided to finally finish! I know…I'm a weird procrastinator. Most people wait a few months, but not me. Anyway, I thought this chapter was sufficient in giving away the major twist. I never ever said James was in love with Lily. wink Anyway, I would lovelovelove for you to review! It really is my motivation to know I'm not a totally sucky writer. I promise it's not hard. Just a click of the button down there. D Thanks!


	5. The Sharp Toothed Snail

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any characters that you may recognize from the HP books/movies. I own nothing, my friends.

**Note:** This plot is very loosely based on a commercial I saw for the ABC television show "What About Brian?" I have only seen a commercial, not the show, so the plot in the trailer (for the show) I saw belongs to ABC and the writers. Remember, _loosely _based!

**What About James?**

**Summery: **When all of your friends are paired up except you, and you feel like a cockroach cluster surrounded by bon bons, life can be pretty tough. Especially when you find yourself falling for your best mate's girl. POV of James

_**The Sharp-Toothed Snail**_

_**--**_

This just in, I am not a writer of poetry. I'd like to believe that maybe I am a thinker of poetry. When I look at Anne I feel all light and airy and if that's not poetry than I don't know what is.

Did I mention I don't know what poetry is?

Since my friends are all out on dates, which in this school mostly mean going on "walks" (sure), I have the dorm to myself. Except for all the crumpled up pieces of paper, I am alone.

I feel kind of artistic, you know, surrounded by all these mess-ups. In a perfect story I would suddenly get a spark of inspiration and paint the Mona Lisa…but with words. So I guess it's kind of better to be a failed artist than no artist at all.

If I leave all these here, I bet Sirius will think it's cool.

I don't feel that I've expressed Anne as she really is in any of these failed love notes surrounding me. I haven't actually said her name, but her name isn't who she is.

And as I'm trying to write how I feel, I realize, I don't really know who she is.

I don't really know who Anne is.

She's soft and quiet and pretty and…I cannot think of anything else.

What am I supposed to write?

_Roses are red, _

_Violets are blue,_

_You're soft, quiet, and pretty, _

_That's all I know about you._

Somehow I don't think that will really cut it.

"Hey Prongs."

Sirius had just walked in, a grin on his face.

"I figured I'd end my date early to spend some time with you. Want to go down to the kitchens? There's probably some treacle tart leftover from tonight."

Out of all my friends' efforts to make me feel alright, Sirius was the only one who actually made me smile right then, and I'm pretty sure, as Lily often says about me, the smile "met my eyes."

"Hey…what's all this?" Sirius inquired. "These papers…all this…looks pretty artistic, eh?"

I knew it.

"I thought so too! Sure, treacle tart! I dunno if there's any left though, we probably ate it all." I said, grabbing my Invisibility Cloak. I was feeling happier by the minute.

"So what's with all the paper anyway? Trying your hand at fairy tale writing?"

Sometimes Sirius isn't funny at all.

"Er, no, I'm actually writing a poem for a girl!" I said, unabashed.

"Cool, cool…I tried that once…" Sirius seemed lost in thought for a moment, before a large smile plastered his face.

"I'm guessing it worked?"

"Oh yeah…So what are you writing about? _Her eyes…?"_

"Shut it, mate, and no. I…don't really know, if you can't tell. What did you write about?"

"Me? Write poetry?" Sirius laughed as he normally does. Loud and sharp, a laugh that takes you by surprise. "No, I copied a poem out of a book…er, the bloke's name was Silverstein?"

"You mean Shel Silverstein? The children's poet? What'd poem you use, 'Inside everybody's nose there lives a sharp-toothed snail?'" I couldn't help sniggering.

"'Stick your finger up inside and he'll bite off your nail,' Sirius continued. "Yeah, that's the one!"

I stared at Sirius incredulously. "And she liked it?"

"Well, I figured she would. It's your favorite, isn't it? I figured you had a better appreciation than I did. Mind you, I'm not sure the girl could read…"

We both had a laugh at that one. Sirius and I were the best of friends (I couldn't help feeling a bit touched about his comment that he used using _my _favorite poem), and I could tell he was missing me.

"Prongs, I'm missing you." Sirius started, his face turning somber. "It might not be all that grand if you get a girlfriend too. We'd really have to coordinate schedules then. It seems all we have are full moons, and the girls are starting to wonder where we go!"

"I know." I agreed. "We need to do more things like this." I gave the cloak, which fit uncomfortably around both of us, a little tug.

"Definitely," said Sirius, nodding, as we rounded the corner to the kitchens.

…x…

"Anyway, about this poem," Sirius started as we were back in the boys' dorm, happily chewing on the desserts given to us by the house-elves. "Here's what you need to do. You need to show how you feel about the girl. What it is about her that makes you want to spend time with her. Show her why she's not just a great big bore." Sirius looked thoughtful. "It doesn't have to rhyme either."

"What?!" All poems rhyme! That's what makes them poems! Why else would I be sitting here going through the alphabet rhyming every suffix know to man? (Boo, Coo, Doo, Eoo, no, vowels don't work, have to remember that…)

"Yeah, poems don't have to rhyme. My reaction exactly," said Sirius, noting my shocked expression. "Lily showed me some. Apparently they just need to, erm, what was it…._ convey an image,"_ he said, wiping melted chocolate frog off his face.

"Convey an image," I repeated. Just _how_ many hours had I wasted?

"I know! I know mate! Write about her eyes! That'll score you big time," he said knowledgably.

He wasn't even joking! As if he were an expert on great eye poetry…I suddenly had an image of bright green eyes, and I sat, fixated for a second.

Sirius continued, unbeknownst to my pondering. "Definitely, take her eyes, get some synonyms for color, and you're set. I think there's a thesaury-thingy in Remus' trunk…"

"Thanks Padfoot," I said genuinely, interrupting his speech. I was also unsurprised and grateful that Sirius hadn't asked whom the poem was about. I suppose he figured if it were that important, I would tell without him asking.

"Sure, Prongs. Anytime, you know it." Sirius didn't mind in the least bit I had interrupted him. He might've already forgotten. After polishing off the last peppermint humbug, Sirius rolled onto his side. "'Luck James!" He closed the curtains and soon I heard the slow breathing that told me he was asleep.

And I was still up, trying to write a poem.

Anne. _Anne. _**Anne.**

What was it about her that was so alluring?

I knew that she was perfect – she was perfect for me!

Maybe…she just wasn't the subject for poetry. Maybe I just wasn't a poet!

It didn't mean anything…it just meant that I couldn't write about her.

What are the color of Anne's eyes?

--

**A/N:** I've gotten back into this story and I want to finish it. I know the gap seems really long, and it might imply that I'm unreliable, but really, I officially know exactly where I'm going with this story and I am going to finish it very soon.

Also, just so it is known, _of course _James is going to fall for Lily and vice versa! It just won't be that easy getting there.

So when we do get there, it'll be worth it.

Let this be known: Shel Silverstein is his own amazing mind and I do not own any of his work, including the poem about the "Sharp Toothed Snail," and I only regard and recommend it!

Please review, that'll keep me going. Thanks!


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